Thesis

Me: "I need to print two copies of my thesis for the library. Do you want a copy?"

My advisor: "No"

Compliments

While trying to fall asleep last night...

K: "You're my favorite Bryan."

B: "Prove it!"

K: "I'm in bed with you."

B: "Anyone can get in bed with you."

K: "WHHHHAAAAAT?! Are you calling me easy?!"

B: "No..."

K: "Yes you are! You totally just called me easy! You need to compliment me to negate your insult."

B: "Your eyes glisten like toilet water."

K: ...

B: "Not a dirty one, but a clean one."

K: ...

B: "With a really bright light over it."

K: "...That was the *worst* compliment ever. Try again."

B: "Your fingers are like rakes."

K: ...

B: "Brand new ones at the store."

K: ...

B: "That are freshly painted."

K: "You're really bad at this."

B: "Your hair is like..."

K: "STOP! STOP STOP! Goodnight. You're such a winner."

B: "Winner!"